Dude on Lightrail.
[I get up, ready to get off the train, headed towards the front of the car so i can get home faster]
Dude: Hey Chief, you know you got another five minutes till the train stops.
Dude: Yeah, you'll be waiting a while till you get off.
fuck you, dude on lightrail, i hate that you called me "Chief", i only thought douchebags in movies used that term. evidently, douchebags in real life use it too.
and i'm mexican, i know how to use public transportation.
I resent Marie Osmond’s extentions. They fill me with hate.
Decided: raising my kids gay.
I want to go swimming so bad I just dipped my foot in the toilet.
There’s a reason “tits” “clits” and “shits” all rhyme.
This goes down as seriously the best pride so far in my life. Thank you, faggots.
I’ll dead when i sleep.
You’re not as cool as me cause you’re not beating your leg with Christina Aguleria.
Made it through “Teen Witch” and LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. Louise + Brad = FOREVER!
I love Pride. And Veruca Salt.
At least we can check the “almost killed somebody” box on dating websites.
The past tense of “eat pussy” doesn’t sound right. Ate pussy? “I eated her pussy.” Sounds better.
This underwear pushes my balls back so far i feel like one of those soprano choirboys
It’s Gay Christmas! Also bought a butt plug menorah so I wouldn’t offend the Jews.
When your shitty pretzel falls on the floor, does a bear shit in the woods?
Broke into a mcdonalds bathrooom. I feel like the poor!
Remember how we met gay brothers?
machine gun titties. whip cream gun titties. somebody stole my bras.
I really want to go see bad art.
Hey, can everyone stop saying “double you tee eff” and just say “what the fuck?” You’re wasting syllables.
I don’t like women in those polo-shirt-dresses, it reminds me that god has that whole rapture-thing in store for us.
Pride is this weekend. So excited I shit my pants! Related: not getting laid this Pride weekend.
I want to start hanging out with middle aged people. Just so I can mention how I wasn’t born when you saw that movie in the theatre.
sometimes you forget how good watermelon is. No, i’m not being racist.
Or: “I was your age when you had your first child, and look how much better I am than you!”
This is BEAUTIFUL. (minus the heterosexual part, but still.)
I want a dog. Mostly for the meat.
I wonder if the people at the Fire Sauce Taco Bell factory realize they’re making one of my four major food groups.
My man got a job AND a part in a show today. *Somebody’s* gettin s little suga when I get home.
Cutest little girl running around the foodcourt dancing around and giggling. ATTENTION WHORE.
Beer is god’s way of telling people they’re gay.
My grandmother forgot her keys in the ignition and left the car running for two hours. Whoopsie.
Deleted my MySpace profile. Remember when Bobby scooped out Whitney’s poop with a spoon? My sentiments exactly.
Let’s play that game where we get like three clues and solve a mystery. Mostly because Steve is hot.
Bought a cheerleading uniform and started doing toe-touches. Although, it might be a little late for high school spirit and not look creepy.
I’m debating going back into the closet. Only so I can join the army and initiate army gangbangs.
Also, I’m done being your “gay-best friend” or for-your-entertainment-pocket-fag. We’re here for our pleasure, not yours, breeders.
Aw Jake, you’re alotta things, but Persian ain’t one of them. Doesn’t make you any less sexy. Just not Persian.
“My baby son’s butthole! My baby son’s butthole!”
Chuck E Cheese in Spanish: Raton de Queso.
Remember how I’m taking the bus to the suburbs in the middle of the night? That’s some scary shit, people.
Is there a Mary-Kate and Ashley Sr? They’re clones split from one of those Troll Dolls, right?
Addendum: My favorite part of waiting on dark parking lots is the surprise sex.
Guess who was up cryin to The Color Purple till 5 in the morning? This fag right here.
I think it’s time to just splurge, I’m getting the “12 inch destroyer” dildo. For the children.
So do you think my boyfriend’s mother would be mad if i injected her with Venom? I borrowed some from Bane.
There isn’t a better way to spend a beautiful day out than to draw the blinds and watch The Secrets of Isis and bark at doorbells.
Remember when Amy Sherman-Pallidino killed off any notion of Luke and Lorelai being together? I need a life.
I would eat any meal off of Milo Ventimiglia’s body.
GaGa’s new one is like a moving Vman photo shoot. Maybe it’ll grow on me.