1: I have been remiss for the past few weeks due to the job-loss.
2: I’m craving Chinese food.
3: I was hired today (retail, but whatever) as a StockBoy! It’s better than getting paid for handjobs in alleyways.
4: Mayer Hawthone is changing my life right now.
5: I’m certain Sofia Vergara is the new Ricky Ricardo: no one understands what she’s saying so we’re pretending it’s funny.
What if instead of cars, Oprah gave out blowjays to the entire audience? Let’s be honest: you’d watch that porno.
I just told a girl I’d eat her out after a shower. Where will my sexuality take me next? Rwanda?
Yep, I got dressed up just to take a nap and look up Motown performances. I’ll do what i want on a Saturday night, suck it, society.
Well don’t wear those tight shirts if you didn’t want me to squeeze your biceps, you did this to yourself, officer.
8 hours ago I was in the comfort of the noisy, messy, hobo-infested city. Now I’m with all the Whites in the suburbs. Send help.
My mother asked me if I drink rubbing alcohol to get high. She knows me too well.
Overheard on news: “The remake of the classic movie, Footloose…” Classic? So there’s Citizen Kane, and then there’s Footloose.
So I was officially fired today! Which is cool because I’ve never really been a Latino statistic! Can’t wait to tell my mother!
You guys should see the text-mistakes I made last night, filled with sexual undertones and lack of self respect. Yay!!
I have no idea how to be at a gaybar by myself. But, whatever?
My friend bought a bottle of vodka for me. So of course I’m getting pregnant tonight.
Who wants to smell the perfume I just sprayed on my taint?
I wanna be a part of @bobbyfinger’s world.